Completely Unrelated Random Ramblings

Hello faithful blog brothers and sisters! Haven’t had many thoughts worth sharing lately, so I’ve been quiet. Luckily, today there’s actually a few things brewing so, pull up a chair, and let your cup runeth over. Allow the following thoughts, quips and anecdotes to enter your cerebrum or cerebellum or whichever part of the brain filters confused ramblings into epic manifestos. Ready to awed? No? Good, I thrive on lesser expectations. Let the rambling commence:

  • The confederate flag. Starting off heavy I know, but according to Facebook it’s required that we all choose sides and then fight to the death. So, here’s my high horsed opinion. The confederate flag shouldn’t be a part of any government building or entity, but private citizens or businesses (this includes TV stations) should absolutely be able to make their own decisions about it. However, the states using it as their state flag are endorsing old values that have demeaned, oppressed, and currently insult a good portion of their own population. A government “by the people” is inconsistent with this oppressive symbol. Now, as far as private citizens go, it’s your right to wave the stars and bars, but it’s also my right to call you an asshole for doing so. That’s the first amendment in action m’fer!
  • Onto the lighter side of flag waving. How bout dem soccer gals! That was fun. I always like watching the women’s U.S. team. As an American I will now go back to not caring about soccer (except for the occasional Alex Morgan image searches). I’m only human. 
  • Saw my favorite comedian/podcaster, Marc Maron, last week at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, NJ. Great show. The guy is so raw and personal, and  creates such a great connection with the audience. It also helps that the self doubting rage monster living in my head might be his twin separated at birth. 
  • Also incorporated some afternoon bar time before the show with The Lady. Maybe we’re aging quick in our mid thirties, but I’ll take a quiet chill bar on a Sunday afternoon over a crowded noisy douchefest on a Saturday night. 
  • Today I found myself giving relationship advice to a female co-worker. That was unexpected. Hope I didn’t say anything too stupid. Tried to keep it light and jokey so she wouldn’t be embarrassed. Probably shouldn’t have said anything. Now she’s gonna be mentally scarred after taking my half assed advice. Need to bring in one of those flashy thingies from M.I.B. and erase her memory tomorrow.
  • I don’t get millenials. They seem so self involved and emotional, but over the stupidest things. They all have this look in their eye that seems to say “I feel so bad for myself because of that completely meaningless inconsequential thing that means nothing. Don’t you feel bad for me?!” But I have a theory about this. Millenials are being raised by the gen xers who were raised by baby boomers. The baby boomers in large were pretty laxed in the emotional support department with their gen x kids. A lot of gen x kids grew up disconnected from their parents, and now they’re over compensating by endulging every emotional whim of their annoying millenial kids. So, as it goes with many of the world’s ills (war, pollution, income inequality, etc.) millenials are just another big F up by the baby boomers.

Any other sociological quandarys I can tackle for you? Shit, I got unqualified opinions on countless topics. What would you like to know? The one true religion? Meaning of life? Nothing’s off limits here (except for maybe relationship advice to female co-workers). Then I flashy thing you.


I Know Nothing

How is it that my existential crises are always brought on by nothing more than my annual succumbing to the common cold? I’ve been fighting it off the last few days, and as usual I’m also fighting with the doubting, pessimistic stress monster that lives in my brain.

Fortunately he can only break through during times of mild illness, but he turns me into such a little bitch asking annoying nagging questions like:

  • Why didn’t I pay more attention in school? This career path sucks.
  • Why do the Mets always start giving up runs as soon as I put the game on?
  • What’s the appropriate noise level to complain about neighbor noise? They’re always outside talking shit to each other. Never really late or early, but It’s annoying as fuck.
  • What the fuck was I thinking signing a thirty year loan, and why didn’t I look up the term “market fluctuation”?
  • How will I get through another day without killing half of my co-workers?
  • Why do I keep watching Game Of Thrones? Should of stopped after the red wedding.

There’s a million others, but this is boring already. Anyway, I’m usually pretty care free, but colds always bring out my inner little bitch. It’s like a male period, except that it totally isn’t. Sorry ladies, I should know better than to assume I know anything about that. I feel like Jon Snow because I literally know nothing…. Shit, not a good time to compare myself to Jon Snow. 

Well, off to drown my sorrows in hot tea and the on coming assault of whys and what the fucks that play in a repeat loop as I try to sleep.

Random F Bombs

IMG_0968Hey guys. Remember Bort? If you do, you’ll appreciate the photo. If not, you suck. Sorry for wasting your time….. Wait don’t go! You’re awesome, really! I’ll make up for the suck comment with some brilliant random and mildly interesting thoughts and observations.

*The Coca Cola Company has the stupidest, dumbest, most genius marketing campaign ever. They put first names on cans of Coke, and you lemmings lost your freakin minds. I saw grown adults with their heads buried in convenience store coolers desperately searching for the elusive Tom, Dick, Harry or Jane that would complete their useless existence. Then came the Facebook posts. “OMG I finally found it!!!! #Susan”. I don’t understand the name thing, and how it makes people really want to drink Coke. Are we really that fucking stupid. Please explain.

*Why does auto correct capitalize Facebook when the Facebook logo is lower case? As I’ve said before, fuck Facebook. And fuck auto correct too.

*Today I want to sit in a bar, eat crappy wings and watch baseball. The Lady wants to stay home, watch Clueless and eat chips and guac. So far she’s winning.

*I’m pretty sure there are multiple wars going on in the Middle East that could have serious implications on the future of human existence, and no one really cares. Oh well, when’s the next iPhone coming out?

*The Rangers broke my heart again last night. Made me wish football season was closer. Then I remembered that I am a Jets fan. So, fuck sports as well.😡

*While waiting in stupid court again because of my stupid ticket, I was forced to over-hear a really stupid conversation between a conservatively dressed grandmaesque woman in her sixties and another woman dressed more appropriately for creepy cougar night at the local dive than for court. It started off as just a boringly inane chat about sewing, but steered towards family drama about the creepy lady’s brother and his cold shoulder towards her:

“I mean so what, I got a DUI. What’s his problem? So, he had to get up out of bed and pick me up. Big fuckin deal.”

My thoughts at the time: Bitch, that’s what happens when you get arrested for drunk driving! People tend to not be so nice to you, especially the ones who have to bail your ignorant ass out. Also please shut the fuck up so I can read my book until a judge tells me how stupid I am, and to pay him all of my money. End rant.

So that’s enough F bombs for the moment. Too much? Sorry, they had to go. As do I. Off for wings.


Burn My Thoughts

The following is a useless collection of brain noise and inane ponderings that are taking up space in my head, and  impairing my ability to perform basic vital functions such as walking and breathing. Please take these thoughts from me as I can no longer care for them. Good, now they’re yours. Put them in a box, set them on fire, never speak of them again. Here goes:

*Another Bush is running for president. How does this keep happening? This is the kind of thing that makes me believe in conspiracy theories and empathize with people who wear tin foil hats.

*Tom Brady is a dirty deflator. Truth is that I couldn’t care less if his balls were deflated, and the suspension is way over the top. However, as a Jets fan I believe he is guilty, guilty, guilty! Hahahahaha. Yeah, sports makes me a dumb dummy, and I’m okay with that. Also “balls”.

*Why is the WordPress app acting like Microsoft word by not allowing me to control my own spacing? Stupid free program with endless storage and the ability to reach millions with my “art”. How dare you not be perfect!?

*The new Avengers movie is outstanding. It’s the first movie that I’ve seen in 3d that I felt the 3d effects were done well, and not just gimmicky. It was also the first movie I ever saw in IMAX 3d, so maybe IMAX is the key to good 3d. Mostly the movie is good because it has a great mix of action packed superhero fun, and a great story that gives all of its characters their due with respect to their own story without giving too much attention to any one character. Liked it so much I’m trying to get The Lady to see it just so I can go a second time.

*Why do I only feel like doing this (writing, blogging, wasting your time) when I’m barely awake, and need to go to bed?

*My need not to deal with the drudgery of clothes shopping out weighs my need to have decent, clean and wearable clothes. Oh well, I have a washing machine that keeps my 3 workpants clean. I also have a glut of socks, so I can deal with the random toe hole, but that well is bound to go dry. I should go shopping.

*I’m not going shopping.

*The Lady made burritos tonight. Isn’t she the greatest?!

Questions, comments, concerns, spacing advice?

Tap Here To Begin Writing

“Tap here to begin writing”. I guess that’s step one. Well, actually more like step two. Step one is to think of something actually worth writing. So, it’s not like I haven’t been writing. More like I’ve been stuck on step one for about two weeks. I’m not sorry or feel bad about it. And, this isn’t one of those “Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile.” posts. I just haven’t had anything worthwhile to say. Now, I’m not saying anything I’ve previously posted here has been specifically note worthy. Anyway, today I finally had some thoughts. Let’s see what they were:

*My beard is getting a bit scratchy. Time for a trim. (Hmm, first thought not very interesting.) Next!
*Hearing a lot about females and their body issues. Wonder if any women would actually give a shit what a man thinks about the subject. Especially one who would be forming his opinion as he wrote and struggling as his ape brain fought to see past his primal instincts. (I think this is a better thought.)
*I should have the left over fried rice for lunch. (Crap, that was to be thought. Not typed.)
*For Xmas The Lady took me to NYC to see one my favorite comedians, Dave Attell. Very cool night. First, before the show we were able to get a table at a nearby bar with no wait… in midtown… on Xmas weekend. We ate quick, paid the over-priced NYC check to the snippy waitress and made our way a few blocks over to the show on Broadway. Every time I walk in NYC I think of another comedian, Bill Burr who said about the subject, “There’s too many people, and they’re all looking up”. I think he was talking about tourists. Technically we’re the “bridge and tunnel crowd”, and don’t look up…. that much. However, we are considered a lower form of life by the natives nonetheless. Anyway Dave Attell was great, and after we went on a mini bar hop on our way back to the train. Many thanks to The Lady for a great night.
*Starting to hear about the 2016 election like its a real thing. Politicians of all affiliations induce my gag reflex. Maybe if I lay on the floor moaning and flailing Tina Belcher style they’ll go away.
*Meeting some new people for the first time tomorrow. One is an old friend of The Lady’s. Maybe they’ll be awesome. Maybe they’ll be jerks. Should be fun.
*Haven’t seen the new Hobbit movie yet, and that pisses me off. Maybe tomorrow (after the new people).

So, there they are. My thoughts. Yeah, not so great I know. Whatever. Gotta go eat some lunch.


News Of Anarchy (the fun kind)

As usual my synapses are firing way too late at night, so here goes. This is bound to be a very random collection of brain spew. Not really sure where it’s going go, so good luck to you unsuspecting reader. Have fun! Or maybe “I’m sorry.” will prove more appropriate. Only time will tell. Time to spew!

*note- I just woke up and completely re-wrote the intro above. I think it went from incoherent babble to slightly less incoherent babble.

Good thing I didn’t agree to go into work early again tomorrow. My body and mind definitely are specifically suited for the 11am-730 shift. A slacker’s delight. Too bad I fucked that up with my stellar performance which earned me a supposed future mini promotion complete with an 8am start time. Just like a big boy! Blech. Moving on.

So, a lot of interesting TV lately. Sons of Anarchy and Newsroom finales were both kind of a letdown. It’s strange with TV finales, but the show before the finale always has the big shocking revelations, as was the case with both of these. I’ll go into a little more depth on both below. I’ll try not to be too specific for spoiler reasons:

*Sons of Anarchy took its main character Jacks full circle, and in the finale there was only one plausible outcome. The week before gave us the holy shit they really went there thing. Now, the finale was a fore gone conclusion, and it was just a matter of logistics on how they were going to get from point a to b. It played out for me like last few pages of a book. A good book that has pretty much wrapped up, and the author is giving his characters their due by allowing some extra dialogue or exposition because he doesn’t want them to go before the obvious conclusion. So, maybe it wasn’t a let down. Like, I felt let down while I was watching it. Then the more I thought about it later, the more I appreciated it. It really was some great story telling. And I really liked the song with the line “Come join the murder”. Put everything in perspective.

*Newsroom on the other hand was an actual let down. First off, the show is leaving just as its really starting to say something important. The previous episode was so poignant and timely dealing with the subject of campus rape, whistleblower debates, and the overall dumbing down of news and media. I feel like there was so much more for that show to say that no one else was saying in a meaningful way. So I was pissed going in, and then the finale was nothing more than mop up work. It was like, ok the show is over, so I guess we have to tell the stupid audience if Ross and Rachel finally end up together. AHHHHHH! I hate Ross and Rachel and everything they stand for damn it!!!

Geez, I struck a nerve with myself there. But seriously, fuck Ross and Rachel. They were on a break anyway, and he was gonna drink the fat.

Ok, enough of that. What else? Started Christmas shopping tonight. Speaking of Christmas, unlike a lot of the Facebook assholes (some of whom I’m related too), I like when people say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy holidays” equally. Both are ways of wishing someone (usually a stranger) well for no reason. That’s a great thing either way, and you’re a special kind of douche to mince words and turn that into something negative because you’re so preoccupied with your insecure infantile prejudices.

I’m going to stop now. It’s lonely on my soap box and I want to come down. Just a few points before I do:
1. Blind Melon and The Strokes are great to listen to while blogging.
2. Don’t drink the fat.
3. Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy Festivus too!

Ok, off the soap box. Promise. Hope you liked my spew!