This is great stuff from a guy I sorta know. It’s about day drinking in NYC, and wealthy junkies. So, read it, or I’ll kill your cat.
Somehow I missed it 6 days ago, but I was challenged to a writing contest. So, since I’m currently pretty vacant, and can’t come up with any of my own ideas, I thought I’d try it. Thanks amusingmyselfmusings for the challenge. You may have inadvertently forced me to realize the futility and hopelessness of my blogging endeavor. I will most certainly crawl back into the shadows after my inferior work is laid bare for the masses to mock and derise.
Just kiddin😜. I’m such such a little 💩 sometimes. Actually thanks very much for thinking of me, but isn’t an immature dark and gloomy guilt trip more fun to read than a sincere grown up thank you? Seriously, everyone go read her blog now….. well after you read mine would be better. But really, it’s a good one. Check her out!
Anyway the topic I was challenged with was What Makes You Laugh. Here it is:
I’ve agreed to my first writing challenge, “What Makes Me Laugh”. I’m kind of nervous as doing something creative as part of a group isn’t my thing. I’m not a joiner to be honest, but when in Rome. So what makes me laugh? The you tube of Tickle Me Elmo being burnt alive is pretty hysterical. Pretty much anything that juxtaposes opposites with an unexpected take or the one that would be most innappropriate. George Carlin, Lewis Black, Howard Stern. Those who would go against social norms are always the funniest people to me. Jen Kirkman’s new Netflix special is pretty good. Farts are always funny. Old farts are not funny. I really don’t want to be an old fart. I fart too much(Fast food). My own bad luck is funny. Seriously, sometimes when shit is totally fucked and I can’t get out of my own way, and my world is crashing with no way out, I’ve been known break out in hysterical fits of laughter… Time ran out during the last sentence……..
That was it; that nonsense of a paragraph above. 189 words was all I could come up with. I think I broke some rules too, but I’m a constant self editor, and couldn’t help myself. I started out by miss-naming the damn thing, and it was a total cheat to talk about being challenged and what it was about. On the bright side, I think my only typos were “innappropriate ” and capitalizing fast food. Oh well. I got to talk about farts so we all win.
Now that you’ve most certainly had your fill of farts for the day, I’ll paste the instructions on how to participate. At the end of this post I’ll challenge a few specific bloggers to a challenge of a topic of my choice, but anyone can participate. If you do, leave a link to your post in the comments here. Anyway, here are the rules. Feel free to break them:
Open an MS Word document
Set a stop watch or your mobile to 5 minutes or 10 minutes whichever challenge you think you can beat.
You topic is at the foot of this post BUT DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH A TIMER.
Fill the word doc with as many words as you want. Once you began writing do not stop even to turn.
Do not cheat by going back and correcting spellings and grammar with spell check in MS WORD (it is only meant for you to reflect on your own control of sensible thought flow and for you to reflect on your ability to write the right spelling and stick to grammar rules)
You may or may not pay attention to punctuation and CAPITALS. However if you do, it would be best.
At the end of your post write down ‘No. Of words =_____’ so that we would have an idea of how much you can write within the time frame.
Do not forget to copy paste the entire passage on your blog post with a new Topic for your nominees and copy paste these rules with your nominations (at least 5 bloggers).
suckers bloggers have been challenged:
Feel free to take this on or totally blow it off. No offense will be taken. Do it if you like, or tell me to have intimate relations with myself. Life is about choice, and who am I to decide your fate?
Ready? Your topic is: The Dumbest Thing I Did Today (or yesterday, last week, whatever)
We were awesome, pathetic, brilliant, stupid, and insane; a small group of like minded 18-22 year old slackers with empty pockets, shitty cars, and middle fingers raised. We fed off each other’s sarcasm, bathroom humor, and a healthy taste for alcohol and mild drugs. In small apartments that reeked of cheap beer and weed, we debated the prowess of Floyd and Zeppelin, and bemoaned our underpaying jobs, and self inflicted circumstances. We wished we were from the sixties, dressed like Kurt Cobain, and hid from life like Holden Cauffield. It was heaven.
Hey guys. Remember Bort? If you do, you’ll appreciate the photo. If not, you suck. Sorry for wasting your time….. Wait don’t go! You’re awesome, really! I’ll make up for the suck comment with some brilliant random and mildly interesting thoughts and observations.
*The Coca Cola Company has the stupidest, dumbest, most genius marketing campaign ever. They put first names on cans of Coke, and you lemmings lost your freakin minds. I saw grown adults with their heads buried in convenience store coolers desperately searching for the elusive Tom, Dick, Harry or Jane that would complete their useless existence. Then came the Facebook posts. “OMG I finally found it!!!! #Susan”. I don’t understand the name thing, and how it makes people really want to drink Coke. Are we really that fucking stupid. Please explain.
*Why does auto correct capitalize Facebook when the Facebook logo is lower case? As I’ve said before, fuck Facebook. And fuck auto correct too.
*Today I want to sit in a bar, eat crappy wings and watch baseball. The Lady wants to stay home, watch Clueless and eat chips and guac. So far she’s winning.
*I’m pretty sure there are multiple wars going on in the Middle East that could have serious implications on the future of human existence, and no one really cares. Oh well, when’s the next iPhone coming out?
*The Rangers broke my heart again last night. Made me wish football season was closer. Then I remembered that I am a Jets fan. So, fuck sports as well.😡
*While waiting in stupid court again because of my stupid ticket, I was forced to over-hear a really stupid conversation between a conservatively dressed grandmaesque woman in her sixties and another woman dressed more appropriately for creepy cougar night at the local dive than for court. It started off as just a boringly inane chat about sewing, but steered towards family drama about the creepy lady’s brother and his cold shoulder towards her:
“I mean so what, I got a DUI. What’s his problem? So, he had to get up out of bed and pick me up. Big fuckin deal.”
My thoughts at the time: Bitch, that’s what happens when you get arrested for drunk driving! People tend to not be so nice to you, especially the ones who have to bail your ignorant ass out. Also please shut the fuck up so I can read my book until a judge tells me how stupid I am, and to pay him all of my money. End rant.
So that’s enough F bombs for the moment. Too much? Sorry, they had to go. As do I. Off for wings.
Hi blogland! This post is where I complain and drop an F bomb or two about my job. I know listening to others bitch and complain about work isn’t always fun, but it’s my poorly thought out blog, and you’ve been warned. If you’d rather read about cupcake recipes and Nobama, now’s your chance. Still there? Okay lucky reader, enjoy my misery.
Now, I’m not normally a complainer, but today was insane. Started with another forklift driver and I trying to unload 60 pallets off a truck while having an incompetent and condescending senior manager create safety hazards and slow down the process while wasting his payroll by adding four more people to a process that was previously done in half the time by just two of us. Eh, his problem, not mine.
I also pulled a match sized splinter out of a co-workers back, and watched another manager purposely force a delivery driver to stand out in the rain getting drenched.
At the end of the day, a guy who had been there two days ended his shift by cursing out a supervisor. Something about sweeping the “mother fuckin” floor.
Also, my direct boss’s last day is tomorrow, but his boss (the asshole senior manager) doesn’t know. Would love to be a fly on the wall when he finds out because fuck him, that’s why. Oh, and someone made a major complaint to HR about him, so tommorow will be interesting.
Luckily my co-workers are all pretty cool, and some of us went out after, and had a What The Fuck sesh over some $2.50 beers. That was fun.
Time For My Thoughts puts up some really good posts. Unlike me, she’s very well thought out and concise which I appreciate. This particular post is so relevant to today’s society. Good food for thought.
“Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”
— John F. Kennedy
I’ve been increasingly dismayed at how many people espouse extremely strong positions based on something akin to ether. In conversation, it often becomes obvious that those strongly held opinions are at odds with what the speaker really thinks about the topic. Although this phenomena is certainly not new – the desire to follow a path laid by others is innate to us humans because joining together is how we survive – but our world has become more crowded with information, accurate or not, and everyone’s opinions (even mine – isn’t that the point of this blog?), that we frequently do not take the time to think the things that we are hearing through. Ironic that in the information age, many of us seem reluctant to look into a claim before we allow ourselves to react, or…
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This morning while getting my coffee and breakfast wrap at the DD drivethru I watched a young person deal with stress and the real world possibly for the first time. It was quick and fleeting, but so real and reminiscent of my own early experience in the workplace that I immediately felt a great sense of empathy, and wished I could help.
The drivethru attendant couldn’t have been more than 19 years old, and obviously on the job for maybe five minutes. She was tiny and had big blue eyes that were open wide, and frantically trying to find her point of focus. Under the traditional server’s cap, strawberry blonde curls whipped back and forth between her two stone faced middle aged male managers as they took turns dictating instructions (where to place straws, register things, etc). They obviously intimidated her, and caused her to forget to hand me my wrap after I got my coffee.
The poor girl was obviously terrified, but was being a trooper. To her over-bearing managers all her responses were “yes” and “ok”, but you could tell her inner monologue was “omygodomygodomygod”. After a few beats she noticed me still waiting, and remembered my wrap. I wanted to tell her something reassuring to try calm her down, but with the two drill sergeants still barking orders in her face all I managed to crowbar in was “Good luck to you”, and then drove away.
What I really wanted to say was “Hey, don’t let these guys get to you. You’ll catch on. Just don’t take it too seriously.” Not really sure that would have helped either, but it might have.
It was surreal tho, like looking at a female version of myself 20 years ago. Thrust into the real world with demanding voices, alien devices and having no idea if you were going to fall flat on your face or manage to fake your way thru it, and somehow not get fired in your first week.
I have a soft spot for service workers, especially those who struggle, but try their ass off to accommodate a customer. It’s how I saw myself for a long time. I started as a twitchy nervous cashier who would hand back checks instead of receipts, and within a few months I was scanning behind my back while unsuccessfully flirting with every female co-worker in sight. I hope the new girl makes it, and I think she will. I could always spot the good ones.