Large Coffee With A Side Of Cliche

I am a cliche. I’m currently sitting in the mall Starbucks with an iced coffee, blogging on my ipad, wearing a black t-shirt, and displaying a pretentious air of superiority to those I wrongfully label sheep, soccer mom, bro and annoying old lady. Apologies to all except the sunglassed bro guy with the “Win At All Costs!” t-shirt. Fuck that guy, right!?

I’m actually just killing time waiting for my car to be done. The Lady aka Mighty Keeper of Credit Cards will not be happy with me. My lack of timely automobile maintenance is gonna cost us, but that’s my life. Slack off for as long as I can, then pay for it dearly. Come to think of it, I’m actually slacking off right now by missing a few hours of work to take care of the car. Nice!

Some notables on my surroundings:

  • Good 90s mix on in here. Heard Pearl Jam, Pumpkins and now that Groove Is In The Heart song. Barista girl is singing along too 💃.
  • Guy next to me is speaking on his phone in Hebrew I think. I’m just guessing it’s Hebrew because he sounds just like Adam Sandler in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. What, you’re so cultured!?
  • Alanis Morrisette is very thankful for India, frailty, terror, consequence, and silence. 90s mix remember?
  • Lots of people here change out their coffees when not satisfied. I want to strangle this woman who thought her iced coffee would be hot, but the singing barista is very accomodating.
  • Stopped to browse in Hot Topic before ending up here. Came across an Ed Sheeren t-shirt. Later I will burn down the Hot Topic. You’re welcome.

So far I’ve only burned about 45 minutes of work time sitting here. If all goes well, I’ve got 3 more hours to kill, and 2 left to bank for a later date. We get very little “emergency time” but what constitutes “emergency” is to our discretion, so enough about my company’s HR policies. Anyway, off to buy some lighter fluid.


Night Driving

The party ended too early as usual. It was nice, but that’s all. Just nice. I drive off into the dark suburban night, turn the radio on, and add just a little more volume. A nice mid tempo classic with jangly guitars and a hard steady kick drum mixes nicely with the night-time wind rushing in. My left arm rests atop the open window. It’s chilly, but I like it there. Feels good.

Making my way through dark tree covered streets. Sleepy-time here. Manicured lawns with a few stray skateboards abandoned by un-concerned youths. Flickering TVs reflected in the windows.

Red light. 120 seconds. Not a single car comes the other way. Look left. Look right. Still red. Screw it. Highway entrance ahead. Radio reports a faster kick drum. Speed up. Volume up. Let’s go……….

Feeling better. The little 4 cylinder’s race to no-where, the radio sounds, and the wind on my arm and cheek inspire where the party failed to. It’s dark here as well at 80 mph. No lamp posts. The only lights are road reflectors on the lane markers. They whiz by becoming continuous winding lines threatening to hypnotize. I successfully resist. Deep breath. Smile.

Exit off the dreamway. More sleepy-time lawns and windows. Another red light. Hmm, those head-lights creeping up in my rear-view look familiar. Well, no blowing this light. Taking mental inventory…. Only 2 beers like 2 hours ago. Won’t matter if Captain Midnight suspects inebriation. Green light. It’s cool. Just do the speed limit. We’re good right? Crap, forgot about that dysfunctional tail light. Hope it’s on tonight. Check rear-view. Gone. Victory.

A few more turns. One final turn. Pulling in to my spot with the radio still cranked. Sorry neighbors, this is important. Roll the windows up. Lean my head back on the head rest. Smile. What a great night.