Large Coffee With A Side Of Cliche

I am a cliche. I’m currently sitting in the mall Starbucks with an iced coffee, blogging on my ipad, wearing a black t-shirt, and displaying a pretentious air of superiority to those I wrongfully label sheep, soccer mom, bro and annoying old lady. Apologies to all except the sunglassed bro guy with the “Win At All Costs!” t-shirt. Fuck that guy, right!?

I’m actually just killing time waiting for my car to be done. The Lady aka Mighty Keeper of Credit Cards will not be happy with me. My lack of timely automobile maintenance is gonna cost us, but that’s my life. Slack off for as long as I can, then pay for it dearly. Come to think of it, I’m actually slacking off right now by missing a few hours of work to take care of the car. Nice!

Some notables on my surroundings:

  • Good 90s mix on in here. Heard Pearl Jam, Pumpkins and now that Groove Is In The Heart song. Barista girl is singing along too 💃.
  • Guy next to me is speaking on his phone in Hebrew I think. I’m just guessing it’s Hebrew because he sounds just like Adam Sandler in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. What, you’re so cultured!?
  • Alanis Morrisette is very thankful for India, frailty, terror, consequence, and silence. 90s mix remember?
  • Lots of people here change out their coffees when not satisfied. I want to strangle this woman who thought her iced coffee would be hot, but the singing barista is very accomodating.
  • Stopped to browse in Hot Topic before ending up here. Came across an Ed Sheeren t-shirt. Later I will burn down the Hot Topic. You’re welcome.

So far I’ve only burned about 45 minutes of work time sitting here. If all goes well, I’ve got 3 more hours to kill, and 2 left to bank for a later date. We get very little “emergency time” but what constitutes “emergency” is to our discretion, so enough about my company’s HR policies. Anyway, off to buy some lighter fluid.

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