I Know Nothing

How is it that my existential crises are always brought on by nothing more than my annual succumbing to the common cold? I’ve been fighting it off the last few days, and as usual I’m also fighting with the doubting, pessimistic stress monster that lives in my brain.

Fortunately he can only break through during times of mild illness, but he turns me into such a little bitch asking annoying nagging questions like:

  • Why didn’t I pay more attention in school? This career path sucks.
  • Why do the Mets always start giving up runs as soon as I put the game on?
  • What’s the appropriate noise level to complain about neighbor noise? They’re always outside talking shit to each other. Never really late or early, but It’s annoying as fuck.
  • What the fuck was I thinking signing a thirty year loan, and why didn’t I look up the term “market fluctuation”?
  • How will I get through another day without killing half of my co-workers?
  • Why do I keep watching Game Of Thrones? Should of stopped after the red wedding.

There’s a million others, but this is boring already. Anyway, I’m usually pretty care free, but colds always bring out my inner little bitch. It’s like a male period, except that it totally isn’t. Sorry ladies, I should know better than to assume I know anything about that. I feel like Jon Snow because I literally know nothing…. Shit, not a good time to compare myself to Jon Snow. 

Well, off to drown my sorrows in hot tea and the on coming assault of whys and what the fucks that play in a repeat loop as I try to sleep.



Never Mind The Sellouts


What the fuck what the fuck what the fucking fuck?!!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!!! Can you believe this? Can I believe in anything? The band that brought punk to the masses, and spit in the face of conformity and consumerism has become the very thing it (and I) hates. The Sex Pistols put their fucking name on the Virgin Mastercard. Once symbols of freedom and rebellion these iconic images are now the face of coorporate control and blood sucking debt.


I’m so offended by this. These were the guys who taunted the queen of England, and literally stalked a boat she was riding on for some bullshit celebration. I believe the word “jubilee” was actually associated with it. Anyway, The Sex Pistols floated behind the queen  playing God Save Queen “her facist regime”; the regime that allows the queen and her family to live in luxury from the taxes taken from its people; some of whom can barely afford to feed themselves. Yeah the boat thing happened. Look it up.

So, they’ve gone from attacking an institution that is a burden on its people, to supporting and profiting from an institution that is not only a burden, but preys on the poor, under-educated and desperate.

And, here’s what really hits me hard about this. There are not too many things in this world that have a profound meaning, or inspire me. I grow pretty jaded as I get older, but one thing I always hold on to is the defiant anti establishment spirit of rock n’ roll. The intangible freedom those of us who know feel in the depths of our being that is so far removed from any marketing strategy or profit and loss sheet. That sacred place for me is now sullied. This is even worse than Green Day accepting a rock n’roll hall of fame induction. At least that was pointless and really didn’t hurt anyone. Credit cards ruin people’s lives for fuck sake!

I mean we always knew they (established financial controllers of everything on this Earth) were winning, but at least there was an illusion that the counter culture was putting up a fight. Who takes up the mantle now, Ed fucking Sheeren?!!

God damn it, I could go on and on, but rather I’ll just end with a few spurts of whatthefuckatudes, and try and move forward into the never ending soulless void. This really sucks.

Most unpunk rock thing ever

Fuck Mastercard, Virgin Airlines, Johnny Rotten, and Richard Branson.

Never Mind The Sellouts

Rock is dead


Random F Bombs

IMG_0968Hey guys. Remember Bort? If you do, you’ll appreciate the photo. If not, you suck. Sorry for wasting your time….. Wait don’t go! You’re awesome, really! I’ll make up for the suck comment with some brilliant random and mildly interesting thoughts and observations.

*The Coca Cola Company has the stupidest, dumbest, most genius marketing campaign ever. They put first names on cans of Coke, and you lemmings lost your freakin minds. I saw grown adults with their heads buried in convenience store coolers desperately searching for the elusive Tom, Dick, Harry or Jane that would complete their useless existence. Then came the Facebook posts. “OMG I finally found it!!!! #Susan”. I don’t understand the name thing, and how it makes people really want to drink Coke. Are we really that fucking stupid. Please explain.

*Why does auto correct capitalize Facebook when the Facebook logo is lower case? As I’ve said before, fuck Facebook. And fuck auto correct too.

*Today I want to sit in a bar, eat crappy wings and watch baseball. The Lady wants to stay home, watch Clueless and eat chips and guac. So far she’s winning.

*I’m pretty sure there are multiple wars going on in the Middle East that could have serious implications on the future of human existence, and no one really cares. Oh well, when’s the next iPhone coming out?

*The Rangers broke my heart again last night. Made me wish football season was closer. Then I remembered that I am a Jets fan. So, fuck sports as well.😡

*While waiting in stupid court again because of my stupid ticket, I was forced to over-hear a really stupid conversation between a conservatively dressed grandmaesque woman in her sixties and another woman dressed more appropriately for creepy cougar night at the local dive than for court. It started off as just a boringly inane chat about sewing, but steered towards family drama about the creepy lady’s brother and his cold shoulder towards her:

“I mean so what, I got a DUI. What’s his problem? So, he had to get up out of bed and pick me up. Big fuckin deal.”

My thoughts at the time: Bitch, that’s what happens when you get arrested for drunk driving! People tend to not be so nice to you, especially the ones who have to bail your ignorant ass out. Also please shut the fuck up so I can read my book until a judge tells me how stupid I am, and to pay him all of my money. End rant.

So that’s enough F bombs for the moment. Too much? Sorry, they had to go. As do I. Off for wings.


Hey Work, WTF!?

Hi blogland! This post is where I complain and drop an F bomb or two about my job. I know listening to others bitch and complain about work isn’t always fun, but it’s my poorly thought out blog, and you’ve been warned. If you’d rather read about cupcake recipes and Nobama, now’s your chance. Still there? Okay lucky reader, enjoy my misery. 

Now, I’m not normally a complainer, but today was insane. Started with another forklift driver and I trying to unload 60 pallets off a truck while having an incompetent and condescending senior manager create safety hazards and slow down the process while wasting his payroll by adding four more people to a process that was previously done in half the time by just two of us. Eh, his problem, not mine.

I also pulled a match sized splinter out of a co-workers back, and watched another manager purposely force a delivery driver to stand out in the rain getting drenched. 

At the end of the day, a guy who had been there two days ended his shift by cursing out a supervisor. Something about sweeping the “mother fuckin” floor.

Also, my direct boss’s last day is tomorrow, but his boss (the asshole senior manager) doesn’t know. Would love to be a fly on the wall when he finds out because fuck him, that’s why. Oh, and someone made a major complaint to HR about him, so tommorow will be interesting. 

Luckily my co-workers are all pretty cool, and some of us went out after, and had a What The Fuck sesh over some $2.50 beers. That was fun. 

Interesting day.


News Of Anarchy (the fun kind)

As usual my synapses are firing way too late at night, so here goes. This is bound to be a very random collection of brain spew. Not really sure where it’s going go, so good luck to you unsuspecting reader. Have fun! Or maybe “I’m sorry.” will prove more appropriate. Only time will tell. Time to spew!

*note- I just woke up and completely re-wrote the intro above. I think it went from incoherent babble to slightly less incoherent babble.

Good thing I didn’t agree to go into work early again tomorrow. My body and mind definitely are specifically suited for the 11am-730 shift. A slacker’s delight. Too bad I fucked that up with my stellar performance which earned me a supposed future mini promotion complete with an 8am start time. Just like a big boy! Blech. Moving on.

So, a lot of interesting TV lately. Sons of Anarchy and Newsroom finales were both kind of a letdown. It’s strange with TV finales, but the show before the finale always has the big shocking revelations, as was the case with both of these. I’ll go into a little more depth on both below. I’ll try not to be too specific for spoiler reasons:

*Sons of Anarchy took its main character Jacks full circle, and in the finale there was only one plausible outcome. The week before gave us the holy shit they really went there thing. Now, the finale was a fore gone conclusion, and it was just a matter of logistics on how they were going to get from point a to b. It played out for me like last few pages of a book. A good book that has pretty much wrapped up, and the author is giving his characters their due by allowing some extra dialogue or exposition because he doesn’t want them to go before the obvious conclusion. So, maybe it wasn’t a let down. Like, I felt let down while I was watching it. Then the more I thought about it later, the more I appreciated it. It really was some great story telling. And I really liked the song with the line “Come join the murder”. Put everything in perspective.

*Newsroom on the other hand was an actual let down. First off, the show is leaving just as its really starting to say something important. The previous episode was so poignant and timely dealing with the subject of campus rape, whistleblower debates, and the overall dumbing down of news and media. I feel like there was so much more for that show to say that no one else was saying in a meaningful way. So I was pissed going in, and then the finale was nothing more than mop up work. It was like, ok the show is over, so I guess we have to tell the stupid audience if Ross and Rachel finally end up together. AHHHHHH! I hate Ross and Rachel and everything they stand for damn it!!!

Geez, I struck a nerve with myself there. But seriously, fuck Ross and Rachel. They were on a break anyway, and he was gonna drink the fat.

Ok, enough of that. What else? Started Christmas shopping tonight. Speaking of Christmas, unlike a lot of the Facebook assholes (some of whom I’m related too), I like when people say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy holidays” equally. Both are ways of wishing someone (usually a stranger) well for no reason. That’s a great thing either way, and you’re a special kind of douche to mince words and turn that into something negative because you’re so preoccupied with your insecure infantile prejudices.

I’m going to stop now. It’s lonely on my soap box and I want to come down. Just a few points before I do:
1. Blind Melon and The Strokes are great to listen to while blogging.
2. Don’t drink the fat.
3. Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy Festivus too!

Ok, off the soap box. Promise. Hope you liked my spew!


I’m Not A Bad Guy…. At Work

I do some pretty shitty things during the course of any given work day, and I’d like to take a moment to confess my transgressions here. No, I’m not looking for absolution, and I’m certainly not sorry. In fact, some of these things are even done in secret, so they’re just petty victimless crimes anyway. I’m not a bad guy really! Anyway, here are the horrible totally normal things that I totally feel justified in doing at work:

*I contradict, argue with, or ignore everything the annoying guy says regardless of content. Hey man, you’re a professional fuck up who doesn’t get normal social cues. It’s my way of creating distance. Seriously, I’m almost out of ways to say “Fuck off!” without actually saying “Fuck off!”.
*If you’re new, I won’t know you’re name for at least two weeks regardless of how many times I ask what it is. If I’m aware that I’ve asked, and forgotten, I’ll avoid calling you by name, and try to listen out for other people saying it. If I arbitrarily think you’re name doesn’t fit you, or I just don’t like it, add at least one more week for me to learn it. And, if I think you look like a name that’s not yours, I will constantly call you that for the rest of our working relationship.
*Superiors who piss me off are secretly serenaded in my head to the tune of the The Thunder Buddies Song from the movie Ted. “Fuck you (insert name here) you can suck my dick!”
*If you talk to me about your kids or pets I will nod and “Hmm” the whole time while making a mental shopping list, and trying to remember if I remembered to set my dvr.
*Never admit to any wrong doing. This ain’t my first rodeo.

That’s it I guess . Not too bad. I thought the list would be longer, but I just remembered what’s on the dvr. Gotta run!


Two Sides, Too Many Opinions, One Hope

imageWhile most of what I’ve heard and seen about Ferguson, Mo leaves me empty, there is still hope as evident in the picture above. Whatever I can say about it, this picture says a million things I can’t.

Last week I along with the rest of world witnessed the consequence of the combined losses of discourse, trust, empathy and ultimately civility. Ferguson, Mo was gutted, burned and scarred. And while I was confused and dismayed, many others had surprisingly absolute hard opinions about the matter.

I sure I don’t have the answers to what actually happened in Ferguson, Mo but, nether do you. It’s pretty fucked up no matter which way you see it. Perhaps what happened is that two of the worst kind of people met up in a bad situation where only the worst could happen. That’s just my opinion. It’s not a fact, and I’m not stating it as such. Perhaps my opinion is wrong. I could totally live with that. Why can’t others?

Why is everyone else so sure they are right, and anyone who disagrees is a misguided fool or worse? Why is no one listening to each other? What is the goal of the Facebook warrior and his/her meme exclaimed with the pious superiority of Moses atop Sinai? I know who you are (bigoted relative, social justice warrior, dim-witted former co-worker), and I am pretty skeptical that you have the absolute answers to the country’s most serious problems such as race riots, immigration, gun control, etc. You can have an opinion, even a strong one, but once you enter into the realm of absolutism you are no longer engaged in a debate, and resolution is impossible.

While I was barraged by countless talking heads and posters who had absolutely no empathy, understanding or even a willingness to listen to the other side, this picture surfaced. It gave me hope. I hope it does the same for you.